Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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