it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
