This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
