You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My bed smells like the plague
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