Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
