LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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