You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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