a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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