the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
