May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
