____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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