# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
