she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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