Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
