the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
