We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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