She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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