I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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