Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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