god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
