just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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