I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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