Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
