On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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