Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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