dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize