if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
