Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
