She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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