His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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