I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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