I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
