i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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