If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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