I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you win again, gameday.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
