Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
