During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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