so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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