i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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