How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
