the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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