i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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