Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
