I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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