it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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