she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
