I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
