Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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