You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
