i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
