Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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