Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i already hear my dad disowning me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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