apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
