i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
