Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
