And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
