it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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