the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
