there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
