OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
