and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
