i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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