Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize