Yo dont text me then not text me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
