$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize