What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
