Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
