I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
