3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
