you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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