My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
