I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
