I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
