Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
