Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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