Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
