My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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