she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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