I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
