my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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