The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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