Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
