I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
