i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
