His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
