May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
