I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
