i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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