my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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